Welcome Aboard-“Hope, Rage and Chupacabras”. Matt Dawson comes to PatDollard.Com

Matt Dawson has joined the team at PatDollard.Com. While patdollard.com is one of the most active and up to date breaking news sites on the web, we did need to add some comedy relief. That came in the form of Matt Awesome. (his real birth name). Here are some things you may not know about Matt Dawson.

Dawson lead the #occupycouch movement; the only rational response for patriots across the nation to get involved with. The response from the protesters of #occupywallstreet was instantaneous. Most observers and participants didn’t believe that the Wall Street Occupiers could become any less rational. But Dawson’s counter-movement short circuited the protesters last few brain cells and caused at least one protester to defecate on a police car. See below for early days of #occupycouch in action as started by Dawson.

Dawson loses pants-causes protester to drop his own

Since Birth

As I stated earlier Matt’s birth name was “Matt Awesome”. It was later changed to “Dawson” per a court order. In the early 90’s Matt had sneaked onto the set of the hit tv series “Dawson’s Creek” and was caught red-handed trying on a cast member’s under-garments. Needless to say James Van Der Beek was not laughing when he walked in on Matt Awesome in his trailer (#occupythetrailer). However, Van Der Beek requested and eventually petitioned the Judge to lighten any sentence imposed on Awesome. Van Der Beek had every incentive to do so because Awesome had also found a deranged shrine. The subject? Mario Van Peebles. And the picture spread, dolls, and candles were the most tame objects involved. The Judge agreed it would be suitable punishment to harness Awesome with something that would follow him for the rest of his life. That sentence, with light probation (2 years), made Matt Awesome legally change his name to “Matt Dawson”.

Hope, Rage, and Chupacabras

So Dawson has now joined the team of the exhausted and overworked at patdollard.com. Aside from witty and much needed comic relief Dawson has a history of providing wildly entertaining material via The Morlock Revolt. I will not attempt to accurately describe the site here; I can not do it justice. DISCLAIMER: I am not responsible for your elation and/or pissing your pants

Right out of the box Dawson releases his first commentary Hope, Rage, and Chupacabras. Countless pundits and bloggers (people in Starbucks who say they are “freelance writers”) have regurgitated every talking point while missing the mark completely. The contributors at Pat Dollard’s site take comedy relief seriously; as we do with current events. We believe if you can not handle a topic responsibly then you probably won the ’08 election.

What we get to see with Dawson’s commentary is the raw pyrotechnics; the wiring, the blasting caps, and the control box behind The Morlock Revolt. If this continues then in good faith I must request a meeting with the Judge that originally sentenced Matt Awesome. A reversal of the decision might now be necessary. In other words…Matt Awesome is already here, actually he never left. But Van Der Beek is gone and the Mario Van Peebles shrine is right where it belongs…In Dick Durbin’s basement.

More facts about Dawson

  • 2009 winner of “I’m on Twitter with a goatee” award
  • Visiting Fellow at The Institute of Constant Comedy
  • Founder of the Non-Profit group “Donations to Simulate Recipient Profit”
  • Original owner of Haile Selassie’s beard

The Morlock Revolt: The Darkside gets a coal powered desklamp

I don’t read blogs. Let me amend that, I dont read many blogs. The reason is that I have really important things to blog about and everyone else can go to hell. But what happens when you take the paid tour through Hell and you see a friend there pounding away at a keyboard? Answer: You ditch the tour and pull up a chair next to him. After all, you most likely will have the cubicle next to him in the near future.

This is precisely where you will find Matt Dawson, creator of the Morlock Revolt. No matter what the issue du jour may be he produces parody that the liberal left has condemned long before his spark of imagination could trigger any of his own flames. After all, in liberal hell, the fire has already been provided courtesy of the bureaucratic arsonists. But Dawson is not concerned with extinguishing the flames. No, he is often looking for anything around him that can exponentially increase the size of the inferno. For him, awareness can only be properly noted when the flame is out of control. It’s genius and slightly dangerous. But he wouldnt have it any other way. For sick right-wingers like myself I tend to beg for gasoline or even kindling; anything to bring good health to the flames. Burn baby burn, salvation lies within…the inferno.

What is odd and exclusively unique is that Dawson can see the world burning around him and rather than tell everyone to put out the fire he indirectly advocates making your own blaze. This technique and approach lies beyond the lines he produces as copy and is wholly representative of his rebuttal. Socialized approach to housing…a disaster that pundits scream about back and forth. Boring. Dawson creates a sing-a-long song instead. Wonderful!

In the case of an extreme emergency, like the Democrat’s Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, Dawson handles that so easily with grace and humor that the reader is almost convinced he does it in his sleep. That feeling from the audience is not exclusive to the piece listed above but rather every entry by Dawson on The Morlock Revolt.

Duh. No one needs a guitar for the Zombie Apocalypse

Any Conservative or Libertarian should add The Morlock Revolt to their daily reading list. In these trying times those of us who believe in, and fight for, policies and directives based in morality, this is one of the few sites that can help you lighten up. As serious as the issues are that confront us daily there are limited resources that provide the same relief as Dawson’s Morlock Revolt. Myself, as a serious researcher, die hard Constitutionalist, and all around cynic, can find no other suitable retreat.

Peace.